officialunitedstates:

"What does the chef recommend?"

"Sir, this is a mcdonalds"

310,767 notes

sctot:

i heard the funniest time travel joke tomorrow

251,465 notes

  • DC: Wonder Woman is too difficult to find a movie audience for-
  • Marvel: YO YOU LIKE BLACK WIDOW? HERE SHE IS IN THE NEXT CAPTAIN AMERICA MOVIE WITH A TON OF SCREENTIME AND MAJOR ASSKICKING SKILLS
  • DC: We can't allow the lesbians in Batwoman to get married in the comic, sorry.
  • Marvel: HEY GUESS WHAT WE'RE GONNA FEATURE A GAY WEDDING ON THE COVER OF AN X-MEN ISSUE
  • DC: The new direction for storytelling needs to be dark, gritty, mature and cynical.
  • Marvel: DUDE CHECK IT OUT LOKI GOES SPEED DATING IS THAT NOT THE BEST SHIT EVER
  • DC: After years of rumors, the Superman/Batman movie is finally coming, but with a new actor and suit for Batman and MAYBE a cameo from Wonder Woman.
  • Marvel: PHASE 2 MOTHERFUCKERS EVERYONE IS IN EVERYONE'S MOVIE AND THERE AIN'T NO STOPPIN US NOW
  • DC: We can try to add maybe one or two 'people of color' to our lineup...maybe...
  • Marvel: NEW MS MARVEL THAT'S MUSLIM AMERICAN, BITCHES.
  • DC: We feel no problem with Batman's vengeful personality being like wet cardboard.
  • Marvel: NEW LATINO GHOST RIDER WHO SEEKS VENGEANCE WHILE TAKING HIS AWEET LIL BRO FOR ICE CREAM
  • DC: We can't mention any superhero titles in our movies, that's ridiculous.
  • Marvel: FUCK YEAH YOU WANT A RACOON VOICED BY BRADLEY COOPER WITH A GIANT GUN? YOU WANT VIN DIESEL PLAYING A TREE? AMY FUCKING POND PLAYING A SEXY BALD SPACE PIRATE? HERE YOU FUCKERS GO
  • DC: Our fanbase is mostly white males, I'm sure our focus is-
  • Marvel: NEW SHE HULK LINE WHERE SHE GOES TO COURT THEN SAVES NEW YORK
  • DC: Wait-
  • Marvel: NEW FEMALE THOR
  • DC: I didn't-
  • Marvel: NEW BLACK CAPTAIN AMERICA
  • Marvel: TAKE ALL THIS COOL SHIT MARVEL BE OUTIE
  • Marvel: PEACE

97,540 notes

intractably:

*tries to take a selfie* deletes 253 photos and keeps 0

104,779 notes

vibhrancy:

meeting someone with the same music taste is seriously the best thing ever

370,564 notes

sassykardashian:

sailingonsuccess:

sassykardashian:

Science side of tumblr how do I become a jellyfish

Jellyfish have no brains. You’re already pretty close.

Okay WOW

104,876 notes

fasterfood:

when u hold the door open for someone and they dont say thank you

image

176,882 notes

evilfartgallery:

fartgallery:

i hope you’re all having a great day

I don’t

178,194 notes

flatsound:

i wanna feel how dogs feel when you let them go in a big field 

363,277 notes

sexaulity:

when ya friend jim getting a lil antsy

image

84,681 notes

rebeccacrane:

do you ever see someone loving on ur fav character and ur like

u have good taste but

they’re mine

13,709 notes

Anonymous said: hi! uhm i'm 100 cm tall, 77 pounds I have green eyes and blue hair, ahh if we were dating we could play video games and run together!! (i'm really fast uwu )

amamicity:

rockmanzeroes:

aw that’s cool! yeah i’m up for running as well i love to run around and stuff it’s all good.

THIS POST WAS ACTUALLY NEVER EVEN MEANT TO HAPPEN I DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW IT WAS SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AT THE TIME I FUCKING SKIMMED THROUGH THTE TEXT I’M DONE I’M FUCKING DONE I CAN NEVER LIVE THIS DOWN THIS SHIT AIN’T GOOD I’M OUT

5,003 notes

hitchhikersguidetothegalaxy:

twofivethree:

Douglas Adams’ metaphors are so thought-out like

"he moved with an ungainly restlessness, like a number of elderly squirrels trying to escape from a sack"

Seriously his descriptions are perfect, my personal favorite -

"Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath."

1,068 notes